The Squat

Geeklawyer was at a recent government event on a trendy “hot right now” topic. All the government departments had picked up on the buzz, as had the press. It was soooooo very cool that all the major US European and UK consultancy groups had twigged that here was a new way for them to relieve the tax payer of fuckloads of cash. A conference was, therefore, arranged at a swish expensive location and all the top tier government departments, ministers and consultancies appeared: IBM EDS yada yada.

Geeklawyer has a friend who runs a small 5 man company with a cool idea: an obvious one, with the benefit of hindsight, but which he, like EDS, could undertake. The cost to government, however, would be 1/1000th of what EDS would charge in order to fail to do at all.

Geeklawyer, at his friend’s grovelling bequest, went along for a laugh: free ultra posh dinner, plus the opportunity to wind up the senior civil servants and government ministers in attendance (some of whom he had bullied whilst at school).

His chum is temporary flavour of the month for reasons too tiresome to go into; and everyone want’s to be his best friend. It is lovely to have friends of course: Geeklawyer understands this at a conceptual level. Geeklawyer is his friend also. Oh to have politicians and lawyers as one’s friends. Lucky boy.

But all of this is mere cynicism. What amused Geeklawyer was that because he attended with his ‘flavour of the month‘ chum, a senior civil servant (a Number 10 bod no less) described Geeklawyer to several drooling ministers as “One of the top three innovators in [concept X] in the country” - even though he had no fucking idea who Geeklawyer was other than ’something to do with Mr Hot‘. Said ministers offered immediate sexual favours; well almost. And even though Geeklawyer had only the faintest idea of concept X. Most odd.

Were Geeklawyer not a more principled and decent fellow he might have chosen to exploit such ill-gained capital for personal profit. Fortunately for democracy Geeklawyer possesses stout principal, and an unshakeable moral core.

The modern political malaise can be traced to non-public school types, such as grisly grammar school oiks, getting into Oxbridge and thence public life or the professions and abusing in the most caddish fashion such accidental opportunities.

February the 14th, Valentine’s day. It is the season of love: the time when Venus is drawn in a silk chariot to Chez Geeklawyer. To his astonishment Geeklawyer received only 3 valentines, and one valentine email, which doesn’t really count. Sadly not all were so fortunate.

MsRobinson, that finest and most fragrant flower of antipodean womanhood (that is, one who doesn’t get into bar fights or fart in bed), is bearing continuing fruit. She points Geeklawyer to the stories in The Times where poor old women (i.e. those over 29) complain about the declining availability and maturity of British manhood. “Why?” it is asked are British men so unwilling to commit? So unwilling to behave as adults rather than spoilt teen boys? All these men pretend to commitment and pursue concomitant obligation with the ardour that Geeklawyer would reserve for a Russian billionaire Oligarch who has acquired an interest in Intellectual Property: only to shy off when it is responded to. Why are they interested only in their mates, football and XBOX 360’s?

Women, it seems, think men are selfish because they can pass 30 without panicking that they will never be able to breed; that they can pull 20-something totty for casual no commitment great sex. They are thereby steeped in sin.

The thesis of William Leith is that changes in society mean that those who were once no longer desirable are now able to choose those women who have run out of choices. Woman need to be picky because they carry a foetus that picks up weight quicker than Ruthie if given a free “All You Can Eat for 6 months” ticket at the local Indian, whereas a man can splash sperm around like the Pope delivering the sacrament and remain free of consequence.

It seems the boot is now on the other foot: women now choose their careers; choose to have it all and find themselves in possession of a career but an empty bed, and a womb with a sign saying “space to let - no unreasonable offer refused“. And of course the geeks are now seen to be less than a laughable option: good solid well paid jobs - reliability and an inexperience with women that makes them easy to manipulate dominate and nag into servility.

Geeklawyer is at the top of the desirability pile, as far as women are concerned: young, slim, good looking, rich, ultra-bright, witty and with the sort of sexual prowess and stamina that would make Warren Beatty lose his erection. But take heart dear totty. Even Geeklawyer can be taken with an irrational attraction to elderly women of 34 who are tubby, highly strung, mercurial and at the bottom of the professional pile.

Of course it helps if you totty out there are perverted in bed, but that is a tale for another video.

The moral? You want a moral? Life has no moral: it’s about doing stuff until you die.