The Squat

Geeklawyer’s temporary chambers

Postcard from Austria

Dearest beloved and most devoted blog readers.
Geeklawyer did say that that he would dismiss you from his mind for the duration of his skiing holiday. Alas, like an old mistress well past her prime who is now given to nagging and gratuitous vexatious interventions, Geeklawyer cannot, nonetheless, refrain from delivering affection and devotion against all common sense. He pines for MsR, Mary and Ruthie and, well, all the Geeklawyer harem. *sob*

He has had a peculiar Skiing holiday so far: two days and the holy planks have yet to be attached to his feet. So far he has spent the first and second days procuring affordable telecommunications resource with which to indulge his Internet habit.

On the first day it was a half day trip to Mayerhofen to buy a ‘Data Only’ SIM card for his phone. Followed, this was, by a drinking session in a pub that left the good intent to ski for the remaining day in tatters.

The second day the SIM card was found not to work. A collective of Geeks (a Nerd? A Linux?) then decoded cryptic German SIM error messages to divine that Geeklawyer’s phone was still locked. Geeklawyer then attempted, in the bar over a beer, to negotiate with T-Mobile in the UK an unlock code in the manner previously used to coerce concessions from a hard-nosed opponent in a multi million dollar IP deal. This time however, he failed. He was a little puzzled amused and flattered that his mild attempts to extract a change of position in T-Mobile were regarded by his skiing chums as a massively aggressive and an intimidating attack of Geeklawyer in full-on Nazi lawyer mode.

It is at times like this that one wonders if one’s profession, like the holding of the One Ring to Bind Them All, skew’s one’s character perception and soul in a manner perceptible only to others. One hopes not.

The Austrians have decided Geeklawyer is irredeemably weird: his choice of fasting on Mondays and Fridays while drinking beer an walking up mountains rather than skiing down them.

Rather having degenerate sex with Austrian/German totty Geeklawyer has spend the last hour in the basement of his hotel with a German chum circumventing the vagaries of Windows in an attempt to connect his Data SIM to a mobile & then to a laptop and thence for a sharing of this connection with Geeklawyer’s Macbook.

Yes, Geeklawyer’s head span too. But it has all been worth it as you can now read his drunken perusings. For it is Friday. Geeklawyer walked up a mountain today, fasted, but drank beer and schnapps. so his chums and the Austrians think he is behaving rather oddly. They may be right. This post may thus make less sense even than normal. The typing and grammar may be more egregious than usual. Geeklawyer would apologise but he imagines that you are so pleased to hear from him that you won’t whine too much.

Tomorrow is yet another odd day: a hurricane, Yes! a hurricane, in Austria. Speeds of 190Km/hour winds are expected to descend. Unsurprisingly all skiing is off.

Oh dear. Geeklawyer will have to spend the day in the pub.

February 29, 2008 - Posted by | This Blog |


  1. Geeklawyer… we had an earthquake. March arrived rather abruptly this morning… and took me by surprise. One minute I was sitting at The Bollo in February… next thing I knew… back at The Staterooms…. and it was March. A bit unsettling at first.

    I am also able to report, in case you do not manage to get your tabloid of choice in hurricane torn Austria, that The Archbishop has been very quiet recently. No doubt he is preparing for Easter

    Not that it matters… but I am looking forward to the Ides on te 15th…. not long to wait.

    I’ll consult the Home Office website to find out where it is safe to go that day….. to avoid knife stabbing hotspots

    I suspect that the safest place for me on The Ides will be outside The Bollo… smoking and drinking vino rosso. I won’t be going any where near the Lib-Dem headquarters after what they did to poor old Ming last year….

    I do hope that you manage to get those planks attached to your feet – but I am surprised that you are not a member of the British Dangerous Sports Society… I can see you sliding down the piste seated at a grand piano, playing a bit of Elton John as you slide towards the ski report bar.

    Please keep these bulletins going.

    Comment by charonqc | March 1, 2008 | Reply

  2. Glad to see that you are still being i-gree-juhs… and rising above the flock, behaving in a Conspicuously bad or offensive way ….

    Keep it up…

    Egregious… another thing those Romans did for us… ex grex… out of the herd.

    That is all. It is 04.26… and I have been up for an hour and a half… why?… I do not know.

    I am going to do my bit for the community and patrol Chiswick High Street – keep crime in West London down – and chat to the parking ‘civil enforcement officers’ as they are now to be called, who are waiting, patiently, for the dawn to rise so that they may again begin their valuable work irritating the middle classes of Chiswick by arranging for cars to be clamped, towed away or ticketed.

    Unsung heroes these people…. I take a Thermos flask with soup in it for the traffic wardens when I go out on patrol … This morning it is chicken soup… or may well have been before it was freeze dried into oblivion… The wardens seem to like it….

    Mind how you go….as Dixon of Dock Green used to say…..

    Comment by charonqc | March 1, 2008 | Reply

  3. I don’t know about Minx or Opinionated Bean but just reading this causes my heart to go a flutter. Of course if Geeklawyer were to post listings ads it would probably have the same effect, such is his influence even from so far away.

    Of course Ms R has her many male fans to attend to and is kept very busy. GL should therefore not take her for granted and should if necessary, cut his trip short since he seems not to be skiing and could get drunk and walk up hills here, while ensuring Ms R does not add further to her male groupies. It is in his interest.

    Comment by Ms Robinson | March 1, 2008 | Reply

  4. (*Blushes with Guilt, even while stuffing learned male counsel/inn sponsor/colleague into wardrobe who had offered to “help” Minx with her OLPAS application and generalised seeking of late mini pupillage) Oh!!! My Dear DEAR GEEK!! Er (cough) THERE you are!! I didn’t realise you would be dropping a line to we, the truly FAITHFUL and completely TRUSTWORTHY members of your Hareem, quite so early in the course of your Holidays! ( * mutters to learned male colleague from side of mouth*-Get back in the Wardrobe, you FOOL, he hasnt gone yet!) I do sincerely hope – hurricane notwithstanding- that you, and your liver, to say nothing of your (Bon)homies, are having a jolly, JOLLY good time (*stands in front of wardrobe door to prevent the escape of learned male colleague*) and that you will be back with us all very VERY Soon!!!! Big BIG Minxy kisses, DAHLINK, Can’t WAIT to hear from you again!!!
    (Yes – he’s gone now – no , I KNOW you cant breathe in there, but wait 5 more seconds just to be ABSOLUTELY sure……)

    Comment by lawminx | March 1, 2008 | Reply

  5. MsR: I am heartened you pine for me so. I am a little distressed that my absence has not led you to commit suicide yet: clearly you are not that devoted. I am also a tad perplexed that you should engage in such a gauche attempt at blackmail. From anyone else it would be touching but from you it is surprising. You know that if I caught you in the showers with the entire Harlequins Rugby team I am so cocksure that I would not even bat an eyelid.
    You haven’t been posting on any other mans blog I hope? The Internet will tell me if you have, so no lies.

    Lawminx: I am glad you at least are being faithful, though whose is that female voice coming from your closet?

    Comment by geeklawyer | March 1, 2008 | Reply

  6. My Dear Geek,

    God help the Frauleins if you are drinking on an empty stomach.

    Comment by james c | March 1, 2008 | Reply

  7. My Dear Geek,

    I will have you know that Minx is entirely straight and only keeps semi fawning MALE barristers in the wardrobe, since they are generally of far more assistance than the female of the specie; now, it could be that the aforementioned male barrister is in the process of indulging his tendency toward Saturday Cross Dressing whilst ensconced in said wardrobe (thereby giving vent to his feminine side in voice and in deed), but, being the soul of discretion, I dont think I can really comment with certainty on the matter…..

    Comment by lawminx | March 1, 2008 | Reply

  8. Ha, I knew you wouldn’t be able to keep away. For all your pretense about leaving us to go off skiing, the truth is you can’t live without us. You desperate struggles to get to an internet connection are a fine tribute to how you need the wit, charm and wisdom that our comments provide.

    Comment by moon23 | March 3, 2008 | Reply

  9. ‘God help the Frauleins if you are drinking on an empty stomach.’ – just the first one, james.

    minxy – do you have this guy’s number? i might be reduced to a pair of reprieve knickers if i don’t get mini-p’s sharpish.

    Comment by simply wondered | March 4, 2008 | Reply

  10. You have been missed Geekie, and yet you haven’t really left us. The blawg posts are still coming, even though you are theoretically strapped to two holy and blessed planks of wood. Are you blawging from the slopes? Dare I ask if you are whooshing down the slopes while typing madly on your wee handheld device?

    Comment by opinionatedbean | March 4, 2008 | Reply

  11. Sorry Simply, I don’t have the sacred contact number and nor am I likely ever to be given it – not that I would ever NAG for a mini, of course, bieng certain in the knowledge that I would be forced to enjoy a completely un-natural relationship with chambers photocopier……..

    Comment by lawminx | March 5, 2008 | Reply

  12. opinionatedbean: i would reply via my handheld toy while whizzing down the slope but sadly i am in a snowstorm and compelled to reply via wifi in a coffeeshop 😦

    Been buying the EvilOne pressies.

    Comment by geeklawyer | March 5, 2008 | Reply

  13. I would comment, however, why should I. Didn’t mention your faithless stalker by name, oh no, just the dull witted peculiar R woman. What does “R” stand for anyway, prey do tell? Not Robinson, oh no, far too young and nubile to be into that sort of caper. Also, her whiplash tongue lacks the biting impact that an older woman (being young myself I can attest to these things).

    So Miss R, flirting in cyber space with silken voiced drunkards are we!! Well back off, he’s mine (insert evil laugh).

    In the past, during one of his rare foul acid mouthed moments, Geeky my love accused me of being a “useless damned stalker” (or words to that effect) adding something about stalking protocol and the threatening of lives. Well, damn you traitor Geeky and damn you R woman. I may not have gone to a “proper” stalking school, but I got street smarts. So, Geeky my love, I will strangle you motor vehicle. R woman, you wonton hussy, I will stomp on your chocolates…all of them. Now who looks silly!

    Comment by juxtajazz | March 8, 2008 | Reply

  14. Oh Juxta Honey. Just because I didn’t mention you don’t think you were out of mind, out of your mind possibly, but not mine. I failed to mention you for the stark terror that your lurking presence inflicts. In Oz or not, I know that you are a mere 12 hour flight away & 12 hours will not dissipate the rage of a spurned stalker. As hard as I am I dare not upset you.

    However, calling MsR ‘dull witted’ is insane. Insane as in: ‘shall I put my head in this lion’s mouth and squeeze him by the bollocks?’ As scary as you are she is every bit your match. Bear in mind she is an Aussie to and used to wrestle, while top-less, crocodiles in Outback bars just for beer money and laughs. And croc handbags.

    Now if you two will strip off and get in the mud ring I’ll start the video-camera.

    Comment by geeklawyer | March 8, 2008 | Reply

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