The Squat

Geeklawyer’s temporary chambers

Is this how government works?

Geeklawyer was at a recent government event on a trendy “hot right now” topic. All the government departments had picked up on the buzz, as had the press. It was soooooo very cool that all the major US European and UK consultancy groups had twigged that here was a new way for them to relieve the tax payer of fuckloads of cash. A conference was, therefore, arranged at a swish expensive location and all the top tier government departments, ministers and consultancies appeared: IBM EDS yada yada.

Geeklawyer has a friend who runs a small 5 man company with a cool idea: an obvious one, with the benefit of hindsight, but which he, like EDS, could undertake. The cost to government, however, would be 1/1000th of what EDS would charge in order to fail to do at all.

Geeklawyer, at his friend’s grovelling bequest, went along for a laugh: free ultra posh dinner, plus the opportunity to wind up the senior civil servants and government ministers in attendance (some of whom he had bullied whilst at school).

His chum is temporary flavour of the month for reasons too tiresome to go into; and everyone want’s to be his best friend. It is lovely to have friends of course: Geeklawyer understands this at a conceptual level. Geeklawyer is his friend also. Oh to have politicians and lawyers as one’s friends. Lucky boy.

But all of this is mere cynicism. What amused Geeklawyer was that because he attended with his ‘flavour of the month‘ chum, a senior civil servant (a Number 10 bod no less) described Geeklawyer to several drooling ministers as “One of the top three innovators in [concept X] in the country” – even though he had no fucking idea who Geeklawyer was other than ‘something to do with Mr Hot‘. Said ministers offered immediate sexual favours; well almost. And even though Geeklawyer had only the faintest idea of concept X. Most odd.

Were Geeklawyer not a more principled and decent fellow he might have chosen to exploit such ill-gained capital for personal profit. Fortunately for democracy Geeklawyer possesses stout principal, and an unshakeable moral core.

The modern political malaise can be traced to non-public school types, such as grisly grammar school oiks, getting into Oxbridge and thence public life or the professions and abusing in the most caddish fashion such accidental opportunities.

March 11, 2008 - Posted by | love, politics


  1. Excellent post GL. .. next time you get invited to a ‘fuckloadsofcash’ event… please email me. I shall be more than happy to attend…. especially if I get to wear a badge.

    I don’t do many housecalls these days… preferring to remain secluded in The Bunker at my Staterooms… with occasional forays to The Bollo and The Swan… but… I could be persuaded to attend a particularly prestigious conference “UK BLAWGERS 2008”

    Any thoughts on this. I was speaking to John Bolch of Family Lore only last night… and he asked if anything was happening.

    We could do the event this year in a pub… we can both bring laptops and surveillance equipment for podcasts and possible YouTube opportunities… and … who knows?

    It would be good to have an annual conference again… this year… tradition of one conference?…. doesn’t sound too good. A. annual conference should be … well.. ‘annual’.

    I can help if you wish… with publicity… emails…and underhand threats…. but you may prefer to take of method three yourself?

    Apologies for, yet again, going off piste and not contributing to analysis, reflection and adding to the sum of human knowledge…. I blame declining standards and those PCSOs taking my hedge into custody. They have still got it. Apparently, my hedge is going to be extraordinarily rendited – secret flight at Luton – Diego Garcia and then on to ‘somewhere’ in Europe for a bit of waterboarding.

    Well… there we are…

    Comment by charonqc | March 11, 2008 | Reply

  2. I bet they are not even watering my hedge….

    Comment by charonqc | March 11, 2008 | Reply

  3. I am planning the conference rest assured.

    My sympathies to your hedge. I will send some Baby Bio for it as a pressy, if you ever recover it.

    Comment by geeklawyer | March 12, 2008 | Reply

  4. Excellent…. GL… excellent.

    Hedge is a goner…. but I might like the Babybio….. 14.5% alcohol?

    Comment by charonqc | March 12, 2008 | Reply

  5. ah yes – i have been there. it seems to be a favourite habit of local govt too! they meet you through someone and immediately describe you as ‘a leader in the field of gonad electrification’ when in fact you merely deliver batteries to the special units at guantanamo. the awful tendency of mediocrity to attempt to distinguish itself by … well talking utter shite really.
    there’s a rumour diego garcia may be a big money signing for chelsea next year.
    we should start a fund to get you a new hedge … what on earth could we call it?

    Comment by simply wondered | March 12, 2008 | Reply

  6. From ‘top three innovator’ it surely it is a but a mere hop GL to ‘guru’ followed by ‘philosopher’ (as the French call their thinkers), and ultimately ‘most desirable bachelor about town.’

    This is how these things happen.

    Comment by the lady robinson | March 12, 2008 | Reply

  7. My Dear Geek,

    ‘One of the top three innovators’- you’ve pulled.

    Comment by james c | March 12, 2008 | Reply

  8. My Dear Geek,

    The modern political malaise might better be described as government by twats. Most of those twats are lawyers,mostly dud ones but even the successful ones have proved to be utterly useless .

    The conclusion is entirely obvious-lawyers tend to make bad politicians and we currently have a lot of them.

    Comment by james c | March 14, 2008 | Reply

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